So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize