Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize