walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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