i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
