I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
