I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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