i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
