So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize