haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My cat gives me a boner
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
