This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
