am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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