Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize