I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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