It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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