too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
