I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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