so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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