**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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