sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
there is glitter all over my balls
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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