i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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