dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
