So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
