yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
