I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
