I don't think brook has ever known best
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You can't just leave with hair like that
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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