this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you never un-have a 4some
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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