sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
