I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
