thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize