How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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