I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize