neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
