im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
