I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
