You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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