Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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