He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
