I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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