Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
