I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
