Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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