Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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