I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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