i would punch a child for taco bell
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
