So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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