Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
