y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
