why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
