In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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