Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
