Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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