we're chasing vodka with high fives
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
