During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
They have beer where we have blood.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
