when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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