I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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