you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
