I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
