Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
