I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
