That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
