well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
then he tried to convert me to islam
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
