Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
