guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
