sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
