So drunk its hurt
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
