My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
